


A Step Into the Unknown

by Bethann, Minniemoggie



Series: Legendary Friendship [13]
Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Father Figures, Father/son relatinoship, Hurt/Comfort, Spanking, illustrated story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bethann/pseuds/Bethann, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minniemoggie/pseuds/Minniemoggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Then Legolas built a grey ship in Ithilien and sailed down the Anduin and so over the Sea; and with him, it is said, went Gimli the Dwarf. and when that ship passed an end was come in Middle Earth of the Fellowship of the Ring."</p><p> </p><p>This is our version of how that happened and what came afterward!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Illustrations by Bethann

 

I will not look back; I cannot look back; were I to do so I know my resolve would crumble. And as the son of the king of the Wood it behoves me to hold my head high and recall my duty to my Adar, there is a need for dignity and resolve.

Yet while I resist turning for one final glimpse of my home I desperately search with my other senses for any sign of my father’s folk watching my departure. I have heard their voices raised in lament and the sighing of the trees as I travelled along the forest path and it all but breaks my heart to think this is the last time their comforting song will sustain me.

I grit my teeth and force my mind forward my eyes firmly fixed on the path ahead yet even while I try and focus my thoughts on what is before me I feel the insidious song of the sea overtake me once again. The sea longing how I wish I had never heard its call, I should have listened to Lady Galadriel’s words of warning but I was foolish and determined to follow Aragorn wherever he went even though it meant I travelled to the Pelargir where I first heard the sound of the gulls.

At first the call would draw my attention away for only short periods, if I passed a river nearing the end of its journey to the sea for instance, or the wheeling and calling on the gulls as they flew in land. But it took only a small effort on my part to push it to the back of my mind. But over time the call has strengthened, and my reactions to it have changed and become more extreme. I found myself unable to concentrate; I lost hours and days in contemplation of ‘the song’. I would find myself wandering unaware, something a trained warrior of the Wood should never do. In the last years it has become so difficult to control these episodes of obliviousness that I even accepted having a guard with me at all times. Brethil was discrete and gave me as much freedom as he could but it irked me to think I needed a ‘minder’, but even his presence could not prevent my mind from wandering along paths that an elf of the wood should never have to travel. Yet that was not the worst of it, rather it was the impact my illness had on my friends. Their concern for my health began to grow, and eventually I had to admit Aragorn, Gimli, and Faramir into my confidence over what was happening to me, much as it shamed me to have to do so. Aragorn I believe had already surmised what was amiss with me. To the others it came as a shock although they had all seen the changes in me, Gimli most of all. He was angry at my attempts to hide what was happening to me to begin with, for he had thought that I should have been more honest with him, and of course he is quite correct. But the truth is I did not wish to burden him with something he could do nothing about.

Although he pretends otherwise I know that Gimli Gloinson has a kind heart and the pain and suffering of those he cares for hits him hard. I have seen the effect that the death of our other mortal friends has had on him, and I have no desire to add to it.

 And here it is again, I am riding away from my home for the last nine yeni and my mind is filled with thoughts of the sea while my horse, a fine animal loaned to me by the King of Gondor, a king called Eldarion, son of Aragorn, finds its own way through the trees. My hands tighten involuntarily on the reins and I have to force myself to relax. It is just over a year now since Aragorn laid down his life and I miss him still, his loss has been the hardest of all those that have gone before,. The pain of it the emptiness his going has left in my life almost makes me forget the call of the sea. Although today its siren call is stronger than ever, for today I have looked into my father’s eyes and been held in his arms for what may be the final time. It is taking every ounce of control to keep riding away from Eryn Lasgalen without breaking down in tears for I would never forgive myself should I embarrass my parent or my people in such a fashion so I keep riding with my eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead.

Gimli who has ridden beside me all this time in silence finally speaks, “Hold up a moment or two.” He puts out a hand and brings my horse to a stand then dismounting he looks up at me and smiles. “When we passed over that last hill we finally went beyond the borders of Eryn Lasgalen, and out of sight of even the most sharp eyed of your folk.”

I look at him blankly even while he somehow manhandles me off my horse and takes me in his arms his next words are my undoing.

“You can let go now lamb, there is no one here but me to see it.”

Suddenly I can see nothing for my eyes are filled with tears and while my heart despairs of what is to come in my future, the strength of my friend holds me as I break into a thousand pieces.

xxx

 

The path we ride is familiar.  How many times we have taken it together over the last one hundred plus years  are too numerous to count.  I have ridden away from Eryn Lasgalen on my own and together with my friend so many times that I believe even I know every tree and rock in these woods. This time, though, everything looks different for this time we will not be coming back.   Never again will I lay eyes on the great halls of the king of the wood, for I dare not even turn back for a final glimpse.  I must not, for  if I were to do so, Legolas would be tempted as well and it is absolutely vital that he does not look back.  If he were to turn back now, I fear it would be impossible to ever peel him away again and we would end up losing him completely to madness and despair.

  The sea longing is a natural, painless thing to elves who do as they are supposed to and heed the call right away, but to those who are stubborn and continue to fight it, it eventually becomes an agonizing, crippling illness and my obstinate elfling has suffered with it for almost as long as I have known him.   After telling me about it initially, he never complained of it again, though I knew it was always with him.  Occasionally, I would see the signs but he was so adept at covering them that he had become quite ill before I knew something was wrong.  Even then, it did not dawn on me that it was sea longing causing his problems and when he did finally decide to confide in me I left him in no doubt about how I felt about such deceit.   He claims that he did not wish to burden me when there was little I could do about it, but I know better.  He knew that _I would_ try to do something-convince him to sail-and he did not want the hassle of having to listen to me nag him about it.   Of course he was right to be worried about that, for I immediately began my campaign to persuade him. 

I did not wish him to leave, of course for I knew his departure would tear my heart out and his absence leave a great gaping hole in my life.  There is no other I love so well.  He is as dear to me as a beloved child of my own loins, and yet to ask him to stay would be pure selfishness on my part. Besides, watching him suffer and fade into a mere shadow of his former self was more painful than the idea of never seeing him again.

  The last few years I have spent more time in Ithilien than I have in Aglarond. I purposely handed over the reigns of rulership to my capable nephew and left my treasured caves to spend my final days with Legolas.  The seriousness of his condition was fully borne out to me at that time.  The members of his household were beside themselves with worry and I did my best to add myself to their numbers in trying to care for their leader.  I found myself reminding him to care for his most basic needs for if I did not he would sit staring for hours and even days at a time.  Many times I would find him hours after a meal gazing blindly over an untouched plate. Pointing out that he had to eat usually earned me a glare and enough compliance to get him to begrudgingly swallow a bite or two.  There have been times when I feared he would just simply starve to death rather than to give in to the call and sail.  I even resorted to dragging him before a mirror and forcing him to see how gaunt and hollow-eyed he had become, but it did not matter.  He still stubbornly clung to his resolve not to leave us.   It was Aragorn’s death, though that seemed to break him completely and also what made me make the decision I have made.

The death of Elessar hit me hard as well. I’ll admit that for he was one of my closest friends and besides Legolas the only one left who remembered the bond of the fellowship. I miss his companionship still.  Yet he had lived a long and rewarding life and had lived his final days with his loving wife, children and grandchildren around him.  He was well loved by the people of Gondor and his heir was well prepared to take over rulership.  So while I mourned his loss, I knew it was a natural part of life as well.  To mortals death does not seem so dreadful as it does to immortals.  For Legolas, Aragorn’s death was the final straw.  Mourning the king’s loss, combined with the weakening effect of the sea longing had him so despondent that he could barely function anymore. 

 At that time I actually ganged up on him in a combined effort with his father to convince him to set sail. I could not bear the thought of him having to experience my own death and was terrified of what it would do to him.  I am already beyond the average lifespan for a dwarf and though I still feel hale and strong most days, it is only a matter of time. I will not live forever.   I could not stand to think that my death would cause his demise, and I very much feared that would be the case.  It was then that I formed my plan and made a trip to visit Eryn Lasgalen to get King Thranduil on board before presenting it to Legolas as a united front with his father. As expected, Legolas fought us about it at first, but I could see right away a gleam of hope in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in a good long while.  He was considering it I knew, so I pressed on every day until he finally caved and agreed.  The plan was a simple one.

I would just go with him.

Of course, I have no idea if I will be even permitted to come ashore, but that matters very little to me.  The important thing is that I see the lad safely in harbor, for once he arrives, the sea longing will be eased, and he will be able to make a recovery and gain strength enough to deal with whatever comes along next.   If I must turn around and come back, it will have been worth it to me.  Of course my hope is that I will be allowed to stay with him and get him well settled before I take my final rest, but whatever the outcome I know I will not regret the decision I made to go with him.

It took most of the past year to make arrangements and say farewell to loved ones.  I said goodbye to Greirr and his wife and son nearly a month ago, and visited Dorbryn’s final resting place before making a journey to Erebor to lay flowers on the tombs of Lord Gloin and Lady Vonild one last time.   Today was perhaps the most difficult day of all.  Watching my elfling have to part with his father was heart wrenching for there is no way to know for certain when or indeed even if they will ever be together again.  Yet as we ride away I continue to feel hopeful. There is joy in my heart that soon Legolas’ suffering will be finally ended. Of course he does not see it that way, for he is still sees nothing but stark despair.  I will just have to be strong enough for the both of us for a while.

As we finally pass beyond the borders of Eryn Lasgalen, I decide he has had to hold on to his composure long enough.  He is making himself ill with the effort it takes to hold his grief inside and there is no reason to continue to do so.  Between us there should be no reason to pretend. 

I stop his horse and force him to the ground before pulling him into my arms.  He feels very slight and fragile in my arms, but I hold on tightly, letting my strength seep into him for his own has been entirely depleted. 

“You can let go now, Lamb,” I encourage him,  “there is no one here but me to see it.”

I can feel a great heaving of his ribcage that seems to come from deep within his gut, before I hear the anguished sounds of his weeping.   When his knees seem to give out, I help him to sit on the ground and pull him against my chest and simply continue to hold him tight against me.  My heart aches for him at the unfairness of the situation for even now he is barely more than an adolescent and to have to make such a terrible decision to leave his father and his home seems tragic.  Yet remaining in Middle Earth is no longer an option to be considered.  It takes every ounce of effort to prevent myself from joining him in breaking down, but I know I absolutely cannot.  If I must carry him the rest of the way on this journey and haul him bodily onto the ship I will do so.  If I have to guide the ship entirely by myself and keep him alive on the sea I will figure out  how to do it.  Whatever it takes to get us to our destination, I will do it, no matter how impossible it seems to be.

Come storms, high seas, dark nights, or flat despair, we will get there.  Failure is not an option.

 

XXXX

 

“There now lad, let it all out, I have you, I am here,”

I hear the concern in Gimli’s deep voice as he holds me close and I take some comfort in his strong arms and his presence, save that I know that he too will be taken from me, and that his long life will draw to a close far too soon for me.

Ada warned me that consorting with mortal kind would be my undoing and bring me pain. He was right about the pain, but despite that I would not wish any of my friendships undone not for all the despair I feel now, and in the end it is not my mortal friends who have caused me the greatest pain, but me myself.

I was the one who unheeding heard the cry of the gulls, I am the one who was unable to fight the sea longing, the one who brought me to the horrors of today when I left my home for the final time, leaving behind me almost all I love.

Despite closing my eyes I still see my Ada’s face as I stepped away from him this morning and rode out of the great gates of the stronghold. Adar was every inch a king of the Great Wood, glorious, imperious, all powerful, resilient a monarch his people can rely on who will keep them safe no matter the cost to himself, how I wish I could have been more like him instead of running away as I am doing.

There were so many gathered to see my departure, old friends, my own folk who had worked with me in Ithilien to rebuild that land and had now returned to their true home in the northern forest. And those who were as close to me as family, Chi, Sellie, Brethilas all stood as Adar and I made our final good byes. I sought his permission to depart and his blessing on my journey and he gave me both kissing my brow and for a brief moment holding me close to whisper his personal farewell, then he smiled and called upon the whole assembly to offer me their best wishes as he let me go.

But while he smiled in his eyes I saw the despair and anguish and love, the greatest love a father can have for his son. No matter how unworthy that son had proved to be, and it broke my heart to turn from him but I had given him my oath that I would not falter at the last when we made our own private farewells last evening and it is the least I can do for him.

Our farewells were said far away from the gaze of all but the closest of family, it was a time when many tears were shed, and many words of endearment exchanged. I know I am loved and I do not fear losing my father’s love even in our separation. What I do fear is that I may never see him again until the remaking of the world, for his ties to his forest are strong and he has no wish to sail. His will be the last great elven realm on Middle-earth a refuge and a place for all those elves whose love for this wonderful land, the land of my birth, the land I am now leaving.

Tears fall in uncounted number as Gimli continues to hold me, he knows my concerns, my fears, and offers me his strength when my own is insufficient. I owe him so much; he has even left his beloved caves to be with me, aye and to sail with me into the west, with no guarantee that he will be welcomed there.

He and Ada worked together to persuade me that I must sail, and I was in no real state to stand against them, I just hope that all their planning and conniving works and that Gimli is welcomed on the Lonely Isle.

Slowly I disentangle myself from Gimli’s arms, wiping my eyes on my tunic sleeve and offer him a watery smile.

“Thank you elvellon,” I whisper, heartfelt but so inadequate for words cannot truly encompass what Gimli Gloinson is to me and how much I have come to rely on him.

He pats my shoulder and brushes away a few tears of his own before growling, “Ye are more than welcome lamb.  Are ye ready to ride on?  We could manage a few more leagues before the light fades I think.”

I stand and now risk one last glance at the woods of my home, their call is almost enough to keep me anchored in Arda, but not quite enough as the sea sounds again in my ears.

“Ai, Gimli!”

“Come lamb,” he guides both me and the horses along the path “I hope you are up to hunting for our supper tonight! I fancy a nice rabbit stew.” And with this and other inane but welcome chatter he leads me away.

 

xxxx

 

 

I smile and shake my head as Legolas hands me the rabbit shot cleanly through the skull so as to not damage any of the meat.   Even wracked with grief and in the blackest despair he is still a crack shot with a bow. 

I take the animal and begin to prepare it for the pot trying to keep a light conversation going as I do so.  I feel it is important to keep things as normal as possible so this journey does not become overly morbid with constant thoughts of goodbyes and last times.    I we were to think, ‘this may be the last fire we light, this side of the seas,’ or  ‘this will be the last time we pass by this particular willow tree,” we will both of us be a tragic mess by the time we get to the Anduin and our ship.    Yes, having a cheerful demeanor and pleasant conversation should go a long way in keeping us distracted from the fact that we are on a journey from which we will not return.

 Of course cheerful conversation only works if both of us are participating. By the time the rabbit has finished cooking, I realize that I am the only one still talking.   When I look over at Legolas he is sitting leaning against a tree stump, knees bent with his face buried in his folded arms.   Ai, poor Lad.  I dish up a little of the rabbit stew and take it to him.  When I touch his shoulder he looks up and takes it from me but sets it aside without tasting it. I have to suppress a sigh of frustration.

“Legolas ye have to eat,” I tell him sounding more determined than I feel.  This has been a constant battle between us over the last several months, and one that I have had a harder and harder time winning.  This time he doesn’t even make the effort to argue about it, but instead says something that is completely incongruent to the topic. 

“I’m sorry, Elvellon,” he says mournfully, “you shouldn’t have to do this.”

Since he cannot possible mean my preparing and cooking the rabbit, he must be talking about something else, though just at the moment I haven’t a clue what it is.  I sit down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.  If there is one thing I have learned from my esteemed mother it is that it is always better to have things out in the open no matter how distressing they might be to talk about.

“What shouldn’t I have to do?”

“Any of this,” he says fiercely, gesturing at the campsite and the woods around us.  I look around and am still obtuse as to what he means, though it is clear he is very passionate about whatever it is.  He is trembling with the intensity of it.  I pull him closer to me, again trying to lend my strength for truthfully there have been times recently when I fear for his soundness of mind, though I would never give voice to such a thing.  Yet the pressure he has been under is tremendous and I cannot help worrying over it.  I keep my voice as soothing as I can.

“What is on your mind, Lamb?  Mam would say it’s better to lay it all on the table where it can be seen rather than letting it fester inside ye.”  I cringe at my own words when I hear his sharp intake of breath.  Perhaps bringing up lost loved ones was not the wisest thing to do so I quickly continue talking. “Just take a deep breath and tell me what has ye so worried.”

“This isn’t fair to you, Gimli!  I should have been stronger, instead of running away like a coward!” he drops his face into his hands. 

“Ai! Child, is that what you think?” I take him by both shoulders and give him a small shake, before wrapping both arms around him in a tight embrace.  No wonder he has been so miserable with that idea floating around in his head.  “This isn’t a fight ye could win, Lad.   Ye battled it long and hard, but ye never stood a chance.  Why ye couldn’t prevent this anymore than I could prevent the hairs of my beard coming in white.  I could pluck them out at first, but eventually we all have to give in to nature.”

“But just look at my father, willing to stay with his people as long as he must.  His iron will prevents him from ever failing his people or leaving them leaderless!  And I…I cannot even wait a few years until you…” he breaks off those words with a sob, and then continues on bitterly. “I am not worthy to be called his s…OW  Gimli!”  Automatically my hand lands solidly on the side of one bony hip and I point a warning finger in his face.

“Never say it!” I hiss. “Not while I have breath in my body!  Your father has not been afflicted with sea longing, so it is hardly the same thing at all.  He is not fighting the battle ye are fighting.  Furthermore he would wear you out if he could hear you spouting such nonsense!  Why I’ve half a mind to haul ye over my knee this minute just for thinking such a thing.”

I continue to frown severely, but I am pleased to see the corner of his mouth twitch as if he is thinking of smiling.  I may be mistaken, but he seems almost relieved that I am so sure he is wrong.  Besides there is comfort in familiarity and we have been down this road before.  He has always been too hard on himself, and I have ever tried to make him see sense about it.  We stare at one another for several heartbeats and he finally looks away first.

“I am sorry, Elvellon. I shouldn’t have said it,” he admits, looking down at the ground.

“Damn right ye shouldn’t have said it,” I agree, relaxing beside him again.  He rests his head on my shoulder and sighs.

“What would I do without you,” He says wistfully, though I know he more likely means what _will_ he do without me in the future when I am gone.  I know he worries over it, though a few moments ago was the first time he came close to saying so.  Again I hear Mam’s voice telling me to hash it all out.

“I will not live forever, Lad, we both know that, but I’ve no notion of dying today, nor even tomorrow and we will take just one day at a time for now.  When the time comes there will be others around to help ye and ye will know what to do.  Ye mustn’t waste your energy worrying over it now.  All right?”

“All right, Gimli.” 

“Good Lad.  Now there is still one more thing,” I say, reaching over to pick up the bowl he has laid aside and placing it in his hand.  “Ye still have to eat.”  He glares distastefully at the food before giving me a dark look and rolling his eyes. 

“Now,” I insist. “Before it gets cold, Child.”

“It is already cold,” he complains, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

“Hmmph!  Ye should have thought of that earlier,” I say heartlessly as I pat his cheek and kiss him firmly on the forehead.  “Eat is anyway.”

 

Xxxxx

 

We have finally arrived at the dock where the ship is moored, how we got here and how long it took us I cannot tell, for after leaving Eryn Lasgalen the days seemed to have become blurred, my memories of our journey are at the best hazy.  I do not remember how long the trip took us, or the vistas we passed by. I could weep at the fact that my wretched condition prevented me from looking at this beautiful land I love so much for the final time. I only know that at some time in our journey I became so disorientated that Gimli had to lead my horse for me since I was incapable of guiding him myself yet somehow he has managed to bring us safely to the river and for a mercy this morning my mind is at least reasonably clear.

Waiting for us are a contingent of guards from Minas Tirith they have brought our baggage from the city where we stored it before riding north to say our farewells. Eldarion has also provided us with provisions and barrels of fresh water all of which are now safely stored below decks. He will make an excellent king his father would be proud of how well he has done in the year since Aragorn gave up his life, even the death of the Evenstar he took in his stride, knowing that Arwen wished nothing more than to follow her beloved Dúnedain beyond the circles of this world. 

The captain hands over a satchel of letters for us to carry with us wishes us well and withdraws taking with him our horses as we agreed. When we set sail we would do so alone without an audience or tears and regrets I do not think I could cope with any more goodbyes.

So, here we stand, the hour of our departure is set for the next high tide and all we have left to do is load the last of the supplies.

I look at the ship that will carry us away from Arda, scarcely able to believe that I had a hand in the building of her. Once Adar and Gimli had persuaded me that there was no choice but to leave, I began the task of building us a ship capable of making the journey. Of course there was no possibility of my managing it by myself, even had I been sufficiently aware to do it, and able to concentrate. No, once again I had to turn to others for support and help, this time from the Prince of Dol Amroth who sent me his best ship builders to create a suitable vessel, small enough to be handled by one person if necessary but sufficiently robust to survive whatever the ocean may throw at us.

They did their work well, and took the designs I gave them showing the lines of the swan ships built in the Havens as their guide, so that our transport is as close to an elven boat as is feasible given it was mainly built by mortal hand.

At the prow is a carved swans head and neck, the sides are like carved wings folded back in rest. There is a centre mast which holds a triangular sail and a small pennant flies atop it embroidered with the motifs of both the wood and the mountain. There are leaf shaped rudder and oars so that we can manoeuvre her in shallow water or when there is no wind and a small shelter on the deck as well as storage below, she is beautiful even though her purpose is to take me away from all I have ever known.

All I have to do now is summon up the resolve to step aboard her and cast off the lines when the time comes and that time is fast approaching.

Gimli has disappeared into the hold, no doubt checking once again that all is as it should be and that everything we have decided to take with us is in the correct place. Shaking off my introspection I carry our trunks onto the ship, wrap them in the seal skin covers provided and lash them down at the back of the shelter, I also place the leather satchel within the waterproof coverings of the seal skin to keep the contents dry and safe. I briefly wonder what is within those letters and to whom they are addressed but I cannot summon up sufficient interest to open it. There is nothing else left to do, all is in readiness, nothing remains to be loaded; it is time.

Gimli comes back up on deck he smiles at me and looks up at the sky, as he pulls up the plank we have been using to carry things to and fro. “Well, all is ready lad; and from the pull on the ropes I reckon the tide is on the turn. It is time. Shall we go?”

I try and respond positively but my heart is not in it for my eyes, clear at last, are looking their last at the trees of Ithilien, the rustling of their leaves, the fresh smell of growing things fills my mind, I cannot go, I cannot leave all that I love.

I make to leap ashore but Gimli’s strong hand prevents me. “No lamb.”

I struggle against him, fighting to get back to land but he holds firm even when I cry out for him to let me go.

“You gave your oath lad,” he growls at me shaking me hard trying to get me to see sense. “Have you forgotten the promises you made me and your Ada already?”

I sink to my knees at this reminder. How can I have forgotten?  Yet my despair my pain wants me to rip myself from his strong hold and leap for the shore before it is too late.

“Ye are Thranduil’s child,” Gimli chides, “Strength and resolve, stubbornness and pride are all in your blood, do what is needful lamb, make him proud of ye.  Cast off the line and unfurl the sail and look no more at Arda, but set your mind on what lies ahead. I am with ye and I will not let ye fall.”

Setting my teeth I get to my feet, I should not have needed to be reminded of my oath and it is like a slap in the face that it was necessary for Gimli to do it. He is only here because of me, and rather than help him I am causing him uncalled for difficulties. He is leaving all he has loved as well as me yet he is not weeping and wailing his losses rather he sets his feet and resolutely looks toward the sea.

Ashamed of my outburst I carry out the tasks assigned to me in silence feeling the pull of the river as the boat moves away from land and the sail begins to fill.

Gimli comes to stand beside me, offering his strength and support, as we move down the river and further away from land. I do not know how he does it but he provides me with that calm centre that I lack at present and I need and also manages to make me smile at a time when I would sooner weep.

“Ye never did tell me what name ye gave this tub, some fool elvish name I expect.”

I look down and manage a smile of my own “She is called _The Lady Vonild_.” And for once I have managed the almost impossible for Gimli is apparently lost for words at my choice.

Xxxx

 

We have been on the open sea for days upon days, each one much the same as the last.   The only thing marking them as different is the ever-changing moods of the sea, and Legolas’ declining condition.

  And my own increasing concern. 

The rest of our journey south was difficult, and the departure from land nothing less than agonizing.  Legolas was mostly despondent and confused the entire way but when it was almost time to depart, I could see he was going to bolt.  Fortunately I was prepared for that and stayed near enough to prevent him.  Forcing him to stay aboard in spite of his pleading was perhaps the most painful moment of my life, but it had to be done no matter the cost. Staying had already almost destroyed him.  I would have laid down my own life if it would do him any good, but the only thing to do just then was hold on and talk him through it. My heart hurt so for the shame he felt at having faltered at the last, but my reassurances that it did not matter did little to ease his mind I know.  He saw it as another sign of weakness though he did have more sense than to voice that thought where I could hear it. 

I had hoped that once we were on the open sea and out of sight of land Legolas would cheer up and look ahead with some optimism for the future.  If it weren’t for my worry over Legolas, I  would say I actually feel better than I have in years. I do not know if it is the salt air, or the promise of adventure, but  most of my old aches have faded.   The closer to our destination we get, the more optimistic I am that I will remain with the Lad for a good long spell,  if only we make it before he succumbs.  To arrive on the Lonely Isle after it is too late for him would be bitter beyond considering. I must not think it, and yet we are likely still some ways away and I do not like the looks of him one bit.  My hope that he would improve once we’d set sail was a vain one indeed. 

In the beginning he took care of his duties mechanically, if not enthusiastically.  I recall how he even responded to my attempts at conversation at first, though he could barely make it an hour without weeping.  I had worried so that he would weaken with the sheer physical exertion of it, and I despaired of getting  him to stop.  I tried everything I could think of to try to distract his mind, but before long I wished we could go back to that time, for what came next was worse:  Stony, deathly silence.  It was as if he had cried every last tear until  no more could be produced and with the cessation of his weeping  the desire to speak of the future or the past or anything else fled entirely.  Oh I could still get one word answers to direct questions, and he was more than willing to do whatever I asked of him, but his will to act on his own seemed to be gone.  I suspect that had I not been with him, reminding him to adjust the rigging or steer the rudder, he would have floated adrift without purpose or thought.  It is not that I wish to take credit for myself, but without me I do not think he would have had a chance of making it.

 This is why I absolutely cannot fail him at this crucial juncture.  All our great effort must not be in vain for I have made a promise to the Lad not to allow him to fall and to his father to see his son safely in harbor and I pride myself on never making empty promises.   So now my days are filled with watching that we are making best use of the wind to achieve the fastest speed possible, for we haven’t a moment to waste now.  I also make a  daily check of the condition of the ship and keep a  close watch on our supplies which are beginning to run low.

  My daily routine also includes watching to be certain my companion remembers things like the need for water and sustenance even if I have to cajole and threaten to get him to cooperate at times.  My greatest worry now is getting him to rest, for he has become very restless over the last several days.  His constant prowling the ship and pacing up and down the deck are beginning to drive me to distraction.  I fear he will simply collapse in exhaustion if he does not stop to take respite. So far my warnings about this have gone unheeded, merely earning me pleading looks as if the thought of being still is unbearable to him.  Soon I resort to directly ordering him to rest something that gets his attention enough to answer me.  “Soon,” he says and keeps walking.

  And just when I think things cannot get much more dismal, we have come practically to a standstill.  There is not a breath of wind to help us on our way.  .  It is all I can do to keep from cursing the Valar aloud at this turn of events!  How cruel for this to happen.  If the wind does not pick up and we have to continue at this pace, I fear we will never see land in time to save Legolas.  Here we are surrounded by  nothing but sea, exhausted,  running out of supplies, and now with no evidence of movement at all.  It is enough to drive a person quite mad!   And if that child doesn’t stop pacing, I may throttle him and then jump overboard myself!

  At least that outcome is something I can prevent.  I turn toward him having decided to take a more hands on approach to getting him to follow my order to rest.   I do  not, however,  have to carry out my plan, for he obviously still has the ability to see when he is coming close to pushing me too far.  Recognizing the look on my face, he hurls himself onto his bedroll, though he feels he has to point out that it is only to make me stop nagging him.  Whatever his reasoning for doing so, I do not care, so happy am I to see him take his ease and close his eyes.  I know that sleeping with his eyes closed is a signal that he is unwell, but I am not surprised by that. He hasn’t been well for a long time.  I am just relieved to see him fall immediately into badly needed slumber in spite of the fact that he was sure he would  be unable to achieve it.  I cross over to him to pull a blanket up over his shoulders to protect him from the chill, engendering a small smile in thanks. 

And now it is my turn to feel restless.  This lack of movement is frustrating for we are completely becalmed.  This little vessel has been a good solid ship, never letting us down, but even _The Lady Vonild_ needs a little wind in her sails to keep her moving forward.  I smile now thinking of that name.

  It was a touching gesture on Legolas’ part to name the ship after my formidable mother.  It was a fitting name as well, for who else would have offered the two of us more support to achieve whatever goals we wished to reach than the one this ship was named for?  Who else would have been more concerned about our safety and well being on this journey?  Who else would have done anything in her power to help us along the way?  Yes the ship’s name was a good omen, I thought.  That name meant security, steadfastness, and resoluteness of will to protect those who came to her for consolation, support or encouragement- all good qualities in a ship as well as in a mother.  Always we could rely on her, just as I hoped we could rely on this vessel to see us safely to our destination. 

And yet even the tremendous, iron-willed Lady Vonild of the Lonely Mountain eventually had to give in  and lay down her life in the end.   Even she could not fight against nature and prevail.  How can we hope to win this race against time if even the elements are against us? 

As the hours pass with no sign of a change, I begin to feel desperate and helpless. Legolas has been as still as a corpse, and Valar help me, but I have three times gone to stand next to him to watch his chest for signs of movement to prove that he is still with me.  I do  not know how much more of this I can take.

I force myself to leave his side to go stand at the prow of the ship for what seems like the millionth time, desperately searching for any signs of land.  As always I see nothing but endlessly rolling waves.  I have done everything in my power to make this journey a success.  There is nothing to do now but wait, but it rubs me the wrong way to feel so powerless.  And then it dawns on me that there is still one thing I haven’t done yet.

All there is left to do is pray. 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

The journey has become as a nightmare, save that it is never ending and even in my waking hours it goes on and on. I had hoped deep down that once on the sea I would begin to feel better, but I do not. My mind is as confused as ever, I am unable to concentrate, I lose track of the days and the sound of the sea remains in my head and ears blocking out all other thought.

Gimli is worried for me, and I should be worried for him, yet I can scarcely summon up enough interest to converse with him, to help him with the boat or to keep him company on this seemingly endless journey and now to make matters worse we are becalmed.

Perhaps this is the Valar’s way of telling us this attempt to reach the Undying Lands was a mistake, and that we should turn back, how I would like to do that to return to my home to my father. Yet to do so would lead to madness for me and death for my friend for despite his indomitable will he is beginning to tire. Perhaps we will both die here, he of age and me of grief.

Almost as if he can read my thoughts I hear a growl from Gimli and know that I am teetering very close to the edge of him losing his temper with me … 

Almost I would welcome an explosion and its inevitable consequences for myself … 

The physical pain of a paddling might for a short time at least drum out the pounding of the sea in my ears and head, but while I may benefit, it would wick away even more of Gimli’s strength and stamina and I am not so far gone that I will do that to him. I have no idea how much longer we must endure, so instead I throw myself down on my sleeping pallet not to seek rest for myself but to give Gimli some relief from my constant fidgeting and wandering up and down the small deck space. I doubt I will sleep and if I do my dreams will only bring me nightmarish visions of never ending oceans and sailing forever in search of something I am doomed not to find yet to give my friend some respite I let my eyes glaze over and pretend sleep only to find I actually do fall into slumber.

My dream path takes the same direction it has done since the Pelargir, the crashing of waves and the cry of the gulls overhead then suddenly there is a change I hear Gimli’s voice pleading with the Valar and from somewhere a great light and an answer to his pleas. It seems then as if a voice whispers in my mind that we will reach land and that Gimli will be welcomed and that it is time for me to sleep. Then the ship is scudding forward at great speed as the wind whips the sail. I know I must still be dreaming but I find myself smiling a little just the same and for a mercy I find real rest at last and the sound of the sea seems to no longer sounds like thunder in my head.

I wake to a warm hand on my shoulder and the light of a new dawn and know something is different. Not only is the ship skipping and skimming over the waves, just as I dreamt it last night, but Gimli is smiling at me and I can see the joy in his dark eyes as he urges me to waken. As I sit up I realize that my head is clear. I can hear the sea it is true but only through my ears as one hears external noise, the cacophony of sounds that have been my constant companions for the last yeni or so have gone.

 “Gimli” I cry out “The sea longing has gone from me”

“Aye lamb,” he is positively beaming now, “I can see it has, and more than that, look, look there in the distance, land, laddie we have followed the straight road and ahead of us are the white shores.”

 

   
  
 

I scramble to my feet and stare in disbelief at the rapidly closing shoreline of Tol Eressëa; then I turn to my friend and drop to my knees before throwing my arms around him and thanking him. I do not know how he has worked this miracle but I know he has had something to do with it.

 

 

“I did nothing” he informs me tucking my loosened hair behind my ear before kissing my brow. “Save ask for help and receive it, now come ye had better tidy yourself up a little it will not do for the son of Thranduil to appear looking like he has been sleeping in the same clothes for days without end, even though he has. Hurry lamb, we will be there within the hour and I for one want to look my best. If I am to be welcomed as the first son of Aûle to walk this blessed realm I want to do my people justice.”

I want to ask Gimli what he means by ‘help’ but I take his point that we must prepare ourselves for our arrival and I wish to do him proud as well as my father. I still feel weak and a little light headed but the fact that my mind is clear is sufficient to keep me on my feet and looking forward to what is ahead of us rather than what lies behind.

For the first time I begin to feel a little hopeful that this journey will not have been in vain and that maybe happiness can be found in our new lives here on the Lonely Isle.

So I hurry to do Gimli’s bidding and haul out clean clothes from our trunks, then taking a bucket I scoop up some water and stripping off lift my clothing I pour it over my head, shaking my hair I laugh as my friend growls about being made wet by an infernal elf. I am almost giddy so relieved am I that the sea longing seems to have gone and that we will soon be on land.

As I dress in clean clothes more suited for a prince of Arda than a ragamuffin as Gimli tells me and comb and braid my hair I see Gimli pulling on his most elaborate and decorative leather jerkin he looks magnificent his beard and hair are brushed and in his braids are gold, mithril and silver clasps. He lifts his great walking axe from its place in the shelter and comes to stand beside me. From the way the ship is moving I know I no longer have any need to guide her into land, _the Lady Vonild_ is making her own way, pulled no doubt by some special power. I take down the sail for it is not needed now and instead I look toward the shore where I can now make out several figures awaiting our arrival.

Gimli is unable to see who is waiting and I cannot resist asking him if he would like me to describe what is happening of perhaps I should find him a box. His rich booming laughter rings out as he remembers our conversation back on the walls of Helms Deep then he sobers and asks in all seriousness as to who is there to greet us.

If my memory of the maps I studied back at home is correct we are coming into a cove to the west of Avallónë and I am glad that is the case. Not because I am ashamed of my arrival or my companion, but because I do not wish him to become an object of interest to those with nothing more to do than gape at the first dwarf to travel to the Undying Lands. Also if who I hope is waiting for us is indeed there I know Gimli would wish for privacy at their reunion. Standing on tip toe I peer at the figures on the shoreline and breathe a sigh of relief as I recognise Lord Elrond and Lord Erestor beside them is the one that Gimli wishes most to see the Lady Galadriel and another lady who I believe must be Elrond’s wife the lady Celebrian. There is one other waiting for us and my breathe catches in my throat as I realise the great honour that is being shown to Gimli for I am sure the figure is one of the Valar themselves Lord Aûle.

My eyes go past the welcoming party to take in this new world we are coming to, white shores indeed and beyond them a far green country, with high mountains cloaked on their bottommost slopes with rich forests and further up snow caps their peaks, it is beautiful.

I am recalled to the present by Gimli tugging on my tunic “Well lad?”

“Oh!” I give him an embarrassed grin, “I can see Lord Elrond and Erestor and I believe the Lady Celebrian is with them.”

“Good, good, at least we will be in the company of someone we both know, and will be able to show us how to go along in the beginning,” my friend does his best to sound casual when he asks “And anyone else?”

“There are two others there” I shade my eyes with one hand and pretend to peer into the distance, “I am not sure who they are … “

As ever Gimli sees past my teasing and demands “Is my lady there?”

I cannot deny him the knowledge he seeks any longer, “she is elvellon.”

“Mahal be praised” Gimli mutters clutching at the crystal phial he wears around his neck.

“Indeed” I agree, I can hardly wait to see his reaction to the other person waiting for our arrival although I suspect Gimli will have eyes for no one other than Galadriel herself.

The ship is slowing and turning so that we can come alongside a jetty that stands out into the surf. Two elves come forward to catch the ropes I throw out and pull us close in, a plank is set between boat and land and now all we have to do is to step over it for our journey to be finally over, yet I am strangely loathe to leave. As I hesitate Gimli takes my arm and steers me toward the gangplank, “Come on lamb, we didn’a come all this way to dither, recall you are your Ada’s representative here now and must conduct yourself as such.”

And before I can pull away he is stumping down the plank hauling me in his wake and Elrond and Erestor are hurrying towards us welcoming us as Elrond greets Gimli, Erestor embraces me and looks deep into my eyes.

“Only just made it in time I see.” He tells me, “Those of the House of Oropher are too stubborn for their own good sometimes,” but he is smiling even while his tone is chiding and adds warmly, “Welcome elfling, it is good to see you again and our dear dwarf.”

We change places and I make my obeisance to Lord Elrond but he embraces me also and gives me a kiss of greeting, before introducing both of us to his wife who offers us a home with them for as long as we need it.

Before I can do little more than stammer out my thanks the lady Galadriel steps forward and kneels as Gimli bows before her taking her hand and muttering “my lady.”

Her smile is warm and filled with gentle amusement for my friend. “You are welcome indeed lock bearer. Long have I looked forward to this day and to seeing you here where you belong, and now there is one other who would wish to welcome you to your new home” she steps back and Gimli sees for the first time Lord Aûle.

I bow but I know I am not the one who is of interest here, the Lord of the Smiths beams at Gimli and his voice is both rich and powerful as he raises Gimli up. “Here upon these shores I welcome thee, son of Gloin and of Vonild thy mother. Long have I waited to embrace thee, and to offer thee thy place here among Illúvatar’s children my forge is open to thee at all times and I hope we will spend many a day talking and working together once ye have recovered from your journey. I will leave thee now but know thou has the love of all the Valar as well as the goodwill of many who knew thee back on Arda. You too, young Greenleaf,” Aûle turns his dark eyes to me “Let go of thy fears and uncertainties little leaf there is much here for thee to do, and now fare thee well.”

In the blink of an eye he has disappeared and we are left on the beach with our hosts, already elves are unpacking the hold and Lady Celebrian is urging us to follow her away from the sea and up into this new land of ours.

 

xxxx

This has been an historical day for my people and one that not long ago I would never have dreamed to be a possibility.  Never has another dwarf stepped onto the white shores of Valinor.   Until a year ago I had never hoped for nor even considered such a thing.  Truthfully it wasn’t’ something I even desired for that is not the fate for mortals.  I did not make this journey for myself.  Yet even after the decision was made I had focused all my concentration on getting my friend where he needed to be, even if that meant we would have to part ways at the shoreline.  I had hoped of course that I would be allowed to stay with him for a time, but I had never dared put my hopes on it and did not know if it was something I could expect or not.  But now that we are here I have not only been granted passage, but have been grandly welcomed.

Ah to look into the radiant face of the Lady Galadriel again, to hear her melodic voice, and to kiss her fair hand!  That honour was more than I ever could have expected, and yet there she was waiting to greet me, her silver-gold hair bright around her and her lovely lips curved into a gentle smile.  At that moment I couldn’t imagine a higher privilege until she stepped aside and introduced me to someone that truthfully left me speechless and stunned.  I knew the Undying Land was the home of the Valar yet the thought of meeting one of them had never once occurred to me once in all my years.  Even knowing I hoped to come ashore and stay, I never thought of such a thing. It is not something mortals expect to ever happen to them, so it would be safe to say that I was more than awed to see Mahal himself awaiting my arrival.  To hear the Lord of the Smiths, the awakener of the Seven Fathers speak my name was perhaps the most exhilarating moment of my life.  His loving welcome and his offer to work side by side with him-words cannot describe. 

So many new and exciting and wonderful things I have experienced already.  The land is rich and abundant, the glorious colours-white sands, turquoise water, green forests- are dazzling to my eyes after weeks of seeing nothing but endless sea and the inside of our little vessel.  How nice to walk again on solid land, and to feel the stability beneath my feet.  How wonderful to be welcomed by friendly folks with warm smiles and pleasant banter. And the food!  I hadn’t realized how I had missed eating regular foods-soft breads, fresh fruits and vegetable and roasted meats besides lovely wines and ales.  Aboard the ship we had dried meat and fruit, hard bread and water that was beginning to taste like the barrel, all of which we had to carefully ration for fear of not having enough. The rich abundance here is a delight.  Yes there are many things to do and see and I cannot wait to experience them, yet I must not forget my primary duty.  I am here for one reason only and even working with Lord Aûle himself must take a back seat to that.  I will enjoy this place I know and maybe come to regard it as home in time, but I am not here for myself.

 I am here for my elfling and no other reason.  Legolas and I have been friends for many years and  I love him well.   I believe I have ever kept my vow to him that I made during the quest to watch out for him and care for his well-being.  I have done my best to be helpful and concerned, but back in Middle Earth I had other irons in the fire as well.  I had a responsibility to my family and my people.  The folks of Aglarond relied on me to lead them and my beloved caves needed my care and attention.  That meant that my time did not belong to me, but had to be spent in taking care of duty to my people and my realm.  But those things are behind me now.  Here in this place my only responsibility is to Legolas and helping him get settled into his new life here before I pass on.  He has been torn from everything he has known and loved, but my presence will hopefully serve as an anchor of familiarity until he can put down new roots here.  As always I will be an advocate and confidante, available to listen to his worries and concerns besides being there to make sure he stays focused and cares for himself and his responsibilities properly. 

I have also left behind everything I held dear to come to this place, but I have been reconciled to that since I made the decision to travel here.  My years in Middle Earth were nearly coming to a close anyway, and truthfully if it weren’t for my concern for Legolas, I was ready to join my forebears in the halls of my people to await the remaking of the world.  My life has been a long and satisfying one and I was prepared and happy to move on.  So when I decided to travel here it was with one goal in mind and that was to see the Lad released of his suffering before I passed on, and if for a mercy I was allowed to stay then I would do all I could to help him acclimate to his new life. 

Thankfully I have not only been welcomed her, but promised long life as well so my plans have worked out far better than I had dared to hope.  This morning’s dawn aboard the ship, when Legolas awoke to realize the sea longing was no longer with him is something I will never forget.  The joy on his face brought a lump to my throat so happy was I to see his suffering eased.  He rather reminded me of a wild animal released from a trap that couldn’t quite fathom his good fortune yet.  Since then he has been nearly giddy with relief, though Lord Elrond and Lord Erestor both could see he had only just made it in time. 

I for one do not believe he is out of the woods yet, happy though I am at his initial exhilaration over being here.  That is why I took the opportunity to talk privately to Lord Elrond and Lord Erestor while Legolas was busy exploring the area.  I have to admit to enjoying their surprised expressions when I spoke to them in their own language.  I learned a few Sindarin words from Legolas during the quest, and got a better grasp of it on my subsequent visits to Eryn Lasgalen.  The year I spent in Ithilien helping to build Legolas’ home and the last several years I have lived there, mean I have become as fluent in the elvish tongue as I am in Westron.

  So though until now I have been merely acquainted with our hosts, I felt the need to form alliances quickly for Legolas’ sake. I wanted them to understand my agenda and reason for being here in order to enlist their help in getting things moving in the right direction.  They already cared for the Lad, I knew, but they were not aware of how difficult things have become for him over the last several years. 

I proceeded to tell them everything, including my concern that Legolas’ health has been compromised for so long that he is in need of attention in spite of his current state of excitement.  Also I confided my fears that homesickness and grief will overtake him again once things settle down and that I feel we need to be on guard for that possibility.  Lord Elrond is quick to agree with me and alleviate my concerns on both accounts, promising to see to any remnants of illness left by the crushing burden of fighting the sea longing for so long.  He also wished to assure me that I have his full support in dealing with my other concerns as well.

“Do not worry, Elvellon. We shall look after him together,” he tells me. “It may take some time, but I believe all will be well in the end.”

“ I appreciate your words of hope and succour, my Lord,” I say.  That is what kept me going out there on the sea all those weeks, knowing that when we arrived I would find help for the child.”

“Indeed you have, my friend.  We all want the best for him and will do all in our power to be of assistance.  You have gone above and beyond the bonds of your vows and completed your self-imposed duty with honour. You can rest in assured that you have done well.”

“I am relieved and pleased to be here, Lord Elrond, but my obligation to the Lad will not end until I draw my last breath, for I have made a promise to his father and to myself.”

He inclines his head to me to acknowledge my words, “Of course, friend Gimli and we are at your service to assist you in any way we can.  Perhaps you would like to see the arrangements that have been made for the two of you while you are residing with us?”

I have to admit to being ready and then some to sleep in a soft dry bed for a change, so I am more than happy to be lead to my accommodations.  I am pleased to see that they have set us up together in a small apartment with a common area between our bedchambers.  I’m sure this was done out of consideration for me so that I would be more comfortable with a familiar face close by in this land of people not my own, but I am happy for the fact that I will be able to keep a close eye on my charge if he is living with me in the same space.  It is a good comfortable arrangement and I am thankful for the thoughtfulness of it. 

I am standing outside on our balcony looking at the stars, which seem to be in the wrong place here, when Legolas comes in to find me.  He excitedly tells me of his exploring and of the virtues of this place.  I cannot help laughing at his enthusiasm, especially after my terrible fear that he would not survive the trip at all, let alone be so animated and happy to be here.  He is still far too thin and pale, with dark hollows under his eyes, but that haunted, troubled look he has worn for so long is finally absent from him.  Just that alone has made it worth all the effort.  I impulsively throw my arms around him in a strong embrace, which he returns in kind. It is all I can do to keep from weeping in my relief.  Legolas pulls back from me and looks deeply into my eyes. He knows how harrowing this trip has been for me. 

“It is wonderful to be here isn’t it, Elvellon?” he says.

“Indeed it is, Lad.  A blessing and a gift,” I agree. 

“Thank you. I would not have made it without you. I am forever in your debt.”

I wave his comment away for he is not in my debt, it was my pleasure to do it.

 “Don’t be daft, Child,” I growl, before changing the subject.  “Now lets turn in shall we? I for one cannot wait to try out those opulent beds we have been supplied with.  It beats the damp bedrolls we have been contending with lately by a long shot.”

“That it does,” he laughs. “Goodnight Gimli.”

“Sleep well, Lamb.”

I climb into the enormous bed amid mountains of pillows and quilts and close my eyes.  I revel in the silence here and though I can still feel the rocking of the sea, I quickly fall into a deep slumber unlike any I have had since we left Eryn Lasgalen.  I don’t know how long I sleep this dreamless sleep, but after awhile I am awakened when there is a soft creak and a slight sinking of one side of the mattress. A slender figure slips in beside me and a long arm falls across my chest. I am immediately concerned.

 

“Is something amiss, Lamb?”

“Nothing really, Elvellon.  You just seemed so far away.”

 

   
  
I laugh at that, for we have been in very close proximity of one another for all the time on the ship.  Of course I also realize that he has come to rely on my constant presence and finds some comfort in it and we are in an unfamiliar place.  It is a childlike gesture, but he knows by now that I will not mock him or think less of him for his needs whatever they are.  It is only to be expected that he would feel insecure and unsure about his future here and what will be required o f him.  If being near me offers comfort then I am happy to have him.  Besides that, I also know that while he says ‘nothing’ is wrong, the true answer is more likely ‘everything.’  I do not expect the transition to this new life to be without difficulties. 

 I slide an arm around him and pull him close until his head is pillowed on my shoulder and plant a kiss on his temple.  He snuggles in next to me and sighs.

 

“I know it is hard right now, Lamb, but things will right themselves in the end,” I promise, as I gently brush back loose strands of hair from his face.  “The folks here care about you, and I am here, so all will be well, I swear it.” 

I hope the resolve in my voice is enough to soothe his restless, worried thoughts, but I have no way to be sure if I’m making any impression at all.  A long quavering breath and his face being buried in my neck are the only indication that he hears me.

XXXX

I am exhausted, yet I seem incapable of staying in one place at a time. Gimli has gone to talk to Elrond and Erestor, but I do not wish to ‘talk’. For the first time in over a yeni I am free of the sound of the sea, we have reached the undying lands, and we have both been welcomed with open arms by those who travelled here before us. I should be happy, indeed I should be ecstatic but I am not and I do not know why. I feel restlessness and uneasiness loneliness a feeling of apartness.

So, I follow Lady Celebrian about the grounds of New Imladris, listening to her explain to me about how she began building in the years after she arrived here to recover from the horrors of what befell her in Middle-earth.

The layout of the house is very similar to Imladris back on Arda. There is elegance, lightness the house has been designed to fit with the land that it now resides in all that is missing are the waterfalls, that and the many folk I knew so well, Elladan and Elrohir, Lord Glorfindel and so many old friends. How can Elrond and Celebrian pretend to be happy here when so many they love are missing and some can never make the journey over the sea?

I excuse myself from the lady of the house and take myself off to spend time with the trees, but even here while they welcome my presence they do not know who I am.

In the end I am happy to flee to the suite of rooms set aside for Gimli and myself yet when I get there I see that Gimli is exhausted and needs his sleep so I turn in also, save I cannot sleep, I am alone on a sea that separates me from those I love. I need comfort, I need familiarity I need the one constant in my present life Gimli Gloinson, and when I slip into his bed instead of sending me off with a flea in my ear, my rock welcomes me and offers me his strength and loving presence so that I am able finally to sleep. Whether he sleeps I do not think to wonder about until the sun rises over our first full day on Tol Eressëa and I arise from a peaceful slumber to find him already gone down to break his fast.

Our days fall into a pattern after this, we spend time meeting and being greeted by those who have made the journey before us. I enjoy seeing those of my father’s realm who come to see what the son of Thranduil looks like. They seem to want something from me. But what can I offer them. I have nothing, no land, no title no voice in the councils of the powerful.

My initial euphoria with this new world is wearing thin, Lord Elrond has already examined me three times since my arrival, and I know he is unhappy that my health is not improving as he feels it should. The sea longing has exacted a telling toll on me even I cannot deny that fact, and that combined with the journey itself has left me less than whole.

I would not have subjected myself to his scrutiny, save that I was not given a real choice in the matter. Elrond spoke directly to Gimli and he saw to it that I attended.

“We are both going, Lamb,” he announced “I for one will be happier once such a great healer as Lord Elrond has checked us both over, the voyage took its toll and while I am beginning to feel stronger, you look as white as a sheet.”

I argued, but it was a doomed enterprise from the beginning and so I found myself wrapped in little more than a towel while Elrond poked, prodded and tutted over me and Gimli hovered near by an expression of real concern over his face.

I tried telling Elrond that ‘I was fine and that I only needed a few days rest for me to be back to full health. But all I got was the raised eyebrows of doom as Estel was used to call them and a terse response that he was the healer not me!

Once I was dressed again, I was forced to sit through a lengthy lecture on the importance of taking proper care of myself. That the effect of the ‘sea longing’ was not something that would leave me swiftly and that I must be prepared for some days to be more difficult than others with something akin to a return of the sea longing save it might affect my balance and hearing.

I was also told in no uncertain terms that I was to eat more and to take plenty of rest, with no over exertion or extreme activities. It seems ironic that having survived the journey I may now die of boredom or being over cosseted by well-meaning elven healers and over anxious dwarves.

So, each new morning I wake wondering how I will fill my day and avoid the healer’s attentions and questions.

Do not misunderstand me my hosts have been wonderful to both me and Gimli. They offer me every kind of diversion, to try and keep me occupied and interested in my new home without overexerting myself.

But for the last two hundred years I have become accustomed to running my own colony of being useful and wanted, here there is nothing for me to do nowhere for me to go. I try to hide my growing disquiet from Gimli; he deserves some peace and an opportunity to recover from all the exigencies of the journey not to mention being given some respite from my seemingly everlasting need for him to be there to prevent my fall.

I take to going for long walks, I tell everyone I am acquainting myself with the trees and for a mercy they seem to believe me, I cannot bear to be indoors for any length of time or even in the company of others for they ask too many questions and I do not have any answers. What can I say, I do not belong here, I do not want to be here. I only came because I had no choice it was sail or go insane, I find myself wondering which the worst option was.  I am surrounded by those who care about me but I do not have those who I want to have around me save for my beloved Gimli and I want to try and give him an opportunity to build his own life here without all my emotional baggage to wear him down.

Yet today the weather which has been kind since our arrival has turned sour, strong winds beat upon the windows, rain comes down in torrents and Elrond, Erestor and Lady Celebrian all tell me I am not to go out. I am unfamiliar with the vagaries of the climate here they warn me, they speak of the strange ways the wind will suddenly change direction without any warning. How the land around here is prone to landslips in heavy rain and that the streams flood more swiftly than back at home. I suspect that they have forgotten how bad the weather could be in the Great Wood in Middle-earth and become too accustomed to more temperate and less extreme climes. Erestor even goes so far as to suggest that I may wish to spend the day with him so that he can tutor me on the weather to be found here on the island. Really it is as if I am an ignorant elfling, who has forgotten all the weather lore he has ever been taught.

I avoid Erestor’s offer by saying that I am a little tired and that perhaps I might join him later and he accepts this without questioning me further.

Gimli would have been instantaneously suspicious of such an excuse, but it has been some yeni since Erestor has dealt with less than truthful young ellon, and fortunately for me Gimli is spending the day with Lord Aûle. So I am free from his scrutiny and am free to do as I wish for neither Elrond nor Erestor are my guardians here on Tol Eressëa.

I do retire to the chambers I share with Gimli but as soon as I think I am safe from being spotted I slip away from the house and out into the wind and rain and make for the trees at the edge of the valley at least out here I am at peace and in my proper element.

The storm is quite magnificent the sky has turned as black as the darkest night. It is illuminated briefly as lightning flashes before it plunges back into darkness. I revel in the wild power, the rushing wind, and the sheer energy it generates I feel exhilarated, free as if I could fly.

The nearest thing I can think of to flying is to climb to the top of one of the pine trees that abound in this region so that I can experience the vigour of the wind at close quarters so I leap upwards, finding easy footholds as I begin to climb.

I reach the topmost branches of the pine and lean back against the main trunk secure in its embrace. The rain falls in torrents and I lift my face to the storm and laugh with sheer delight. The wind whips my hair free from its braids, my cloak flows out behind me, and all the time the thunder rolls and the lightning flashes I feel more alive than I have done in many months. Perhaps this is the new beginning everyone assured me I would find when I made the journey into the West.

 I stretch up onto tip toe to look out at the sea in the distance where waves are crashing onto the shore adding to the cacophony of noise and movement. I wonder if I can still see the Lady Vonild tied up near the dock but as I turn my cloak wraps itself around my legs and I lean down to untangle it when without warning a gust of wind from an entirely different direction knocks me off balance and I lose my footing.

I seem to be paralysed by the sheer incongruousness of my falling from a tree, either that or my reactions have really been affected by the sea longing and the journey as Lord Elrond tried to tell me, for were it not for the efforts of the pine tree itself the likelihood of my being seriously injured was high. As it was the tree managed to slow my descent so that by the time I fell to the sodden ground beneath it my only injuries were a few cuts and bruising and of course a blow to my pride. Hopefully however no one will ever be the wiser of my present mortification, struggling to my feet I try to reorient myself so that I can make my way back to the New Homely House.

I set off in what I hope is the correct direction while the wind and rain continue to buffet me left and right. One particularly strong gust knocks me sideways and I stumble, somehow managing to find what is in all likelihood the deepest rabbit burrow on the Lonely Island to put my foot into. Thrown off balance I fall to my knees, this is beginning to be monotonous I am tired and angry and finding it difficult to make any forward progress. The rain is now so heavy that it is like a curtain, veiling the land from even my view, I stumble onwards, soaked to the skin, increasingly cold I am even beginning to shiver, yet I am sure I do not have very far to go, although I cannot as yet see the welcoming lights of New Imladris. A fallen tree offers me some temporary shelter from the worst of the wind and rain and I decide to take a short rest before resuming my trek. I wrap my sodden cloak more closely around me. Promising myself that I will resume my efforts to get back to the house I close my eyes and allow myself to relax for a moment or two …


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

I stare out into the darkness, straining my eyes to see any sign of the return of any of the party who have been sent out to search for my missing elfling.  It is all I can do to make myself wait here instead of joining in the search, but I do not know this place well and I could end  up being more of a hindrance than a help to those who know what they are doing.  My companions, Lord Elrond and Lord Erestor keep assuring me that the elves who have been sent know this island like the back of their hands and they will find him without a doubt, though I can see that they too are worried.  None of us doubt that he will be found; the concern is what condition he will be in when he is found.  I should have seen this coming of course.  I could see the lad was uncomfortable with all the unfamiliar people and could hardly wait each day to make his excuses and head outside to be among the trees. 

 That of course, is not a bad thing in itself. He has ever found comfort among growing things and I was happy to see him take an interest in exploring the island.  Yet his spending more time out in the woods meant I haven’t been able to keep as close an eye, as I would have liked to or should have been doing.  I have been troubled very much by the fact that Legolas does not seem to be improving much in health.  I had hoped that a few good meals and plenty of time to rest would set him to rights quickly, but it hasn’t happened that way. He is still pale and too thin besides being restless and ill at ease with the new folks we have met here.  The only thing he has taken any real interest in is taking longer and longer walks in the woods. 

I have tried to give him plenty of leeway to do as he pleases, rather than demanding that he follow what I think is best for him.  I do not wish him to feel smothered or stifled here, though I have had to insist on certain things, like seeing that he attended Lord Elrond’s examinations and followed his orders at least to some degree.  Still I have left it to him to choose how to fill his time and tried not to intrude too much or ask too many questions, though I am beginning to wonder now if that was the wrong approach.  Clearly if he doesn’t have any more sense than to go out in a torrential downpour, after having been specifically warned not to, then it seems to me that he needs someone else making his decisions for him for a while and I k now just the dwarf for the job.  In his weakened state it was the height of foolishness to pull such a stunt, but as I say, I should have known something like this would happen.  His need to be outside must have outweighed his admittedly questionable common sense.

Had I been here with him as I should have been, this would not have happened for I would have seen through such a flimsy excuse as he gave Lord Erestor.  In fact it is highly unlikely that Legolas would have even made the attempt had I been anywhere near him for he knows I am not so easily fooled. Unfortunately, I was not here, but spending the day with Lord Aûle. I am sorry to say I never gave the lad a thought until I was on my way home.

 As I was coming through the storm, I began to wonder how Legolas had managed to fill his day since he would have been unable to go outside.  I expected to find him madly pacing the house, but he was nowhere to be seen.  When Lord Erestor informed me that Legolas had retired to our chambers to rest early in the afternoon, I knew we were in trouble, for I knew better than to believe that my elfling would do something so sensible as going to rest in the middle of the day without having been strongly coerced to do so.   Lord Erestor was quite embarrassed to have been so neatly and easily duped, but I could hardly blame him since it has been a good long while since he has had dealings with devious elflings. 

As soon as we were certain he was nowhere in the house a search party was quickly organized and sent out.  With each passing hour my fears increase and my hope that all will be well becomes less.  It is maddening to stand here doing nothing but wringing my hands and staring out into the night. 

Finally a flash of lightning brightens the sky and I can see something in the distance.  It is a horse and rider and what looks to be a slumped figure riding in front of him.  When they come closer I can see that it is indeed my charge, matted and muddy and soaked to the skin, but still fighting weakly when some elves come forward to assist him in walking into the house since he looks to be incapable of doing it under his own steam.  Immediately I tear out into the storm, unable to contain myself any longer.  I can hear Legolas’ voice claiming that he does not need assistance and the voices of the others trying to reason with him and prevent him collapsing right on the very steps of the New Homely House.  I put a quick end to the struggle by grasping my drenched friend by the upper arm and yanking him forward so he falls neatly over my shoulder, giving a startled squeak as he does so.   Elrond and Erestor rush forward to assist me, no doubt worrying that so old a dwarf as myself should not be carrying such a burden, but I wave them away with a snort.

“I can manage,” I assure them, “the lad weighs no more than my walking axe on his best day, and just now he’s about as heavy as a good sized cat.”  I do not tell them that I could carry both of them at them at the same time without straining and could haul even yon horse around if there was need and I put my back into it.  I may be old but my strength has not lessened that much.   Certainly I can manage one recalcitrant princeling, even if he is struggling to escape.  A warning growl puts an end to that, though and he remains still all the way back to our chambers, where Lord Elrond has promised to meet us in just a moment. 

I strip off Legolas’  sodden clothing before wrapping him in the towels that Erestor has produced from somewhere.  I force him to sit on the edge of the bed before briskly rubbing his hair with another towel and wrapping a large quilt around his shivering frame.  Lord Elrond comes soon afterward, making a very thorough examination while I stand by to make sure he gets full cooperation without argument from his less than happy patient.  Lord Elrond drills him with questions and his eyebrows reach new heights when he finds out that Legolas somehow managed to fall from a tree, which thankfully mostly broke his fall.  Mercifully he finds nothing more serious than some cuts and scrapes, though the child is obviously chilled to the bone and exhausted.  Elrond recommends a hot bath and a few days of rest, a prescription I begin to put into action as soon as the door closes and I am left alone with my charge. 

Legolas gives me fleeting glances as if he is gauging my mood, but when he tries to speak to somehow explain himself I raise my hand to halt his words. 

“We will not speak of it now, Elfling,” I tell him, keeping my voice calm.

“But Gimli I…”

“I said not now, Lad, though ye can be sure there will be plenty to say later.  For now ye’re to do as I bid you without argument or question and that means getting cleaned up and in bed as ye’ve already been told to do. Now come.”  I assist him in doing just that from helping him into the warm bath that has been already been drawn, to drying and dressing him and brushing out his damp hair. If he is bothered by my insistence on helping him with these personal tasks, he does not say so. In fact he says very little until I turn back the coverlet and pat the sheets to indicate that he should climb in.  He turns to me then and looks at me contritely.

“I did not wish to worry you, Elvellon,” he whispers, “I’m sorry.”

As frustrated as I am with him just at the moment, I cannot help feeling sorry for his unhappiness at the situation he finds himself in.  I know  he did not set  out to cause me worry even though that is what ended up happening.  I take his hand and encourage him to slide in between the sheets.

“I know that, Lamb,” I say, “you are not to worry over it right now.  Just close your eyes and rest. Do  not fight it.”  I pull the covers up around him and let one hand swim through his long hair as he quickly drifts off to sleep.  I watch him sleep for some time, thankful that he was not injured or worse from this latest debacle and wondering exactly what needs to be done about it.  Clearly my method of leaving  him to his  own devices has not worked  out as well as I had hoped.  I had watched him so closely for so long back in Middle Earth, that perhaps I was premature in deciding to back off a bit and let him find  his own way.  One thing is certain, he will know soon enough that he will be getting more direction from me for a while, for I have no intention of living through another day like this one any time soon.

I find that while it is late enough to go to bed myself, I seem to be incapable of leaving Legolas’ side.  My fear that he will wake up and slip out again, may be an irrational one, but I cannot seem to shake it, so instead of retiring to my own chambers, I make myself comfortable in the chair at his bedside and settle in for the night.  I sleep well under the circumstances and wake up to find that Legolas is just beginning to stir as well.  As soon as his eyes are open, he throws back the covers as if to rise, but freezes when he hears my voice.

“Oh no ye don’t, Elfling.  Where exactly do ye think ye’re going?  Ye’ve been told to rest for a few days if I remember correctly and believe me when I say you will be following those instructions to the letter.”

His eyes widen a little at my tone and he slowly pulls the covers back up around him.  I busy myself with my own morning routine which ends with me leaving him with a stern warning to stay put while  I find us some breakfast. I am back quickly and I supervise while he swallows meekly what is on the tray. It is good to see that he intends to cooperate today, though I fully intend to have my way this day whatever his attitude about it.  After everything is cleared away, I sit on the edge of the bed and take his hands in mine.  It is time to get some answers.

XXXXX

I wake to the familiar and much loved sound of a dwarf snoring. Over the last one hundred years I have come to associate the noise with comfort and security and this morning is no exception. I lie still for I know well that any sudden noise or movement will wake my slumbering guardian and I wish to first try to reacquaint myself with the circumstances that have led me to my present situation.

As my mind clears I recall with more clarity what happened yesterday and I want to groan, but hurriedly bite my lip to prevent any sound coming out for I have no desire to waken my sleeping nemesis.

I must have been out of my mind to go out into the storm, why ever did I do it? Maybe because I am out of my mind, or close to it? What possessed me to ignore all the warnings and advice I was given as to the nature of these storms from those who have lived here for more than a hundred years or in the Lady Celebrian’s case much longer than that. I just wanted to get away, why I do not know, but even that is an untruth, I know exactly why I wanted to get away and I also realize that my running away which is what I was doing was pointless. There is no escape, no way back, no homecoming, I have taken the straight road, and there is no returning to Arda. No return to my beloved Ada, or the woods of my home. I am here and there is no escape. A sob rises in my throat and I swallow hard as the reality of what my life has become sinks in.

I turn my head carefully and look at the slumbering form of my friend all he has sacrificed all he has left behind to bring me safely to the Blessed realm. My selfishness, my weakness, my inability to endure has bought him to this place far from all his kith and kin and here I lie bewailing my fate.

Not a word of censure has he ever uttered, no reproaches, no regrets. No, all his care is for me.  Even when I was hauled back last night his only thought was for my health and wellbeing. Exhausted as I was I still recall the surprise in Elrond and Erestor’s faces when Gimli lifted me across his shoulder and carted me off to our chambers. They underestimate his strength, and I suspect they have underestimated the amount of influence he has over my conduct for they left Arda shortly after the war and did not come to know the closeness that has grown between me and my dwarven minder.

 And yet despite that I am the one who has put him to so much trouble and worry I desperately want to make things right at least between us. I wish to pay proper penance for my foolish and selfish behaviour it is the least I can do given my latest failures. Do I dare to ask for what I know I deserve and need? I push back the covers and prepare to rise only to be stopped dead by Gimli’s voice ordering me to remain where I am.  I do as I am bid for I can see he is angry aye and distressed by my behaviour.

I eat the food he brings me for my break of fast and then sits on the side of the bed and takes my hands in his and begins to speak. Will I have sufficient strength of will to both listen and to speak of what pains me? I hope so, Gimli deserves nothing less, and I know full well what it is that I deserve.

“ From what I have gathered you were told quite clearly that ye were not to go out and by more than one person, and yet you defied them all and were less than truthful about where you were going.  Ye are not yet back to full steam and you also knew very well what I would have said had I been here.  What in the world were you thinking, Lad?”

Now is my opportunity and I must take it if I can only find the words I need.

XXXX

“ From what I have gathered you were told quite clearly that ye were not to go out and by more than one person, and yet you defied them all and were less than truthful about where you were going.  Ye are not yet back to full steam and you also knew very well what I would have said had I been here.  What in the world were you thinking, Lad?”

He is a picture of misery as he looks up at me, obviously searching for the words to explain himself.  “I just couldn’t stand being inside any longer.  Being around people is unbearable,” he begins, “ I was tired of well meaning people trying to make me feel wanted when the fact is I do not belong here.  I have no idea what I should be doing and all I can think of is I want to go home.”  He pulls away from me and buries his face in his hands.  I heave a sigh because it I just as I thought. Relief from the sea longing does not mean relief from homesickness. He may be mourning the parting from his father and his people for some time yet. It is only natural, but it is difficult to watch.  I reach to place a hand on his bowed head before I speak, wishing I knew what to say to make him feel better.

“What ye’re just going to have to realize, Lamb, is that even though it doesn’t feel like it yet, ye’re home already.  This _is_ home now, Child.  For both of us.”

“But how can it be home, when none of the right people are here?” he implores me.

“The right people will come eventually, you can be sure and the folks that are here already could be the right people if ye’ll just let them.   Besides I am here with you and I have no intentions of going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But nothing feels right, Elvellon,” he says into his folded arms. “Everything has changed.” 

This time I take his chin in my hand and lift his face so I can see his eyes. I raise one eyebrow and say meaningfully, “Not _everything_ has changed, Child.”

He blinks at that.  “Oh?”

“No, some things are the same as they were back in Middle Earth and the same as they will always be as long as I have breath.  Never will it be acceptable for you to place yourself needlessly at risk as ye have done today.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but I raise one finger to stop his words.  “Furthermore, ye also are still required to obey your healers orders.  Not to mention there will be no telling half-truths for the purpose of throwing unsuspecting folks off of your trail so you can sneak about undetected. That is little different from lying and you know how I feel about that, do you not?”

“Yes, Gimli I do.”

“And yet you managed to do all those things in the span of one afternoon,” I point out.

  Legolas flushes, but continues to look deep into my eyes for a moment, clearly thinking about what I have said.  I can see apprehension warring with relief in his eyes. There is comfort in familiar things and perhaps he needs to know that I will still step in and save him from his own unacceptable behavior when it is called for.  He is first to break the silence.

“Gimli?”

“Yes, Lad?”

“Do you wish me to get up now?”

I manage to keep my features serious, even though his expression almost makes me want to smile.  “Indeed I do,” I reply, “Ye  may get up immediately and place yourself across my knee, Elfling.”

He obediently slips out of the blankets and gets to his knees on the bed before hesitating there for a split second. I do not give him time to make the decision to place himself in position, but just take him by the arm and assist him the rest of the way across my lap so that his upper body and long legs are fully supported on the bed.  I give him a moment to wriggle into place and get as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.

 Truthfully it has been some time since I have taken him to task in this fashion for he has seemed almost too fragile for such treatment over the last little while.  Even now I feel I need to be careful, though I remind myself that I must not be too soft either or he will be unable to let go of his frustration and guilt.    I can feel he is trembling a bit as I take a firm hold of his waist and lift the hem of his light sleeping shirt folding it up over his back.  His breath catches a little and his fists grip the blankets as his whole body tenses in anticipation of the first swat.  I reach up to briefly rub the small of his back.

“Relax if ye can, Child. It will go easier if ye do,” I remind him. 

He takes a deep breath and forces his muscles to relax and when he does so I bring my hand down hard, leaving a red hand print on his pale skin.  Before he can process that one and let out a soft yelp, I have left a matching  hand print on the other side and one on the back of each thigh.  I continue in this fashion until there is no way to distinguish handprints from one another.  They run together until the flesh of his backside and thighs are one solid glowing red hue.  As I expected, he does not remain stoic very long.  There have been times in the past when he stubbornly refused to cry out or make a sound, resulting in a somewhat harsher punishment than might have happened otherwise, but I knew that would not be the case today.  His emotions are very near the surface and he was on the verge of tears before we even began so I am not surprised when he is soon crying freely.  The apologies and promises of better behavior that usually come at this time are not forthcoming.  He says no words at all, but merely continues to weep brokenly and I find I can no longer continue my task. He has had enough. I help him readjust his clothing and turn him so that he is now sitting in my lap with both arms wrapped around my neck.

I rub soothing circles on his back and whisper comforting words to the top of his head as he sobs softy into my shoulder and then the words finally come.

“So sorry, Elvellon…”

“Aye, I can see that ye are, Lad, and I forgive you.  But you must never, _ever,_ pull such a stunt again.  Ye near scared the life out of me.”

“I did not mean to,” he chokes out, “I just wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“I know you were not, Lamb, which bring s me to another subject.  I am taking charge of your daily activities and decision making for now.  When you are settled down a bit, we will re-evaluate, but for now ye’re to stay near me and do as I tell you.”

“But Gimli…”

“Legolas, listen to me, Child.  Ye have not been eating or resting properly and ye’ve been isolating yourself more and more every day.  You are not taking care of my dearest friend very well, so I will be doing it for you for now.  You trust me do ye not?”

“Of course I do, but…”

“Then there is nothing more to say.  All ye need to do is relax and listen to me.  I did not leave Middle Earth behind and travel over leagues of rough seas only to lose ye to some foolish notion that gets in your head.”

For some reason these words elicit a fresh bout of tears and more apologies as he clings to me more tightly than ever. 

“Ye’ve said you were sorry already and there is no need to say it again. I believe you, Lamb. Just take care not to do it again.”

“Not that, Elvellon.  I meant I am sorry for everything. I am sorry you had to leave everything you held dear.  I’m sorry you had to practically drag me every step of the way. I am sorry for being so weak that you had to give up everything to bring me here.”

He continues to spout similar nonsense and it quickly become clear that we have a few more things to discuss than I originally thought!   He gets a look at my face and immediately his tone changes.

“Ai Gimli!  Stop, I didn’t mean it. Please NO!” 

But it is too late. Quick as a wink I have him flipped across my lap again.  I rain down a flurry of heavy swats to his already tender backside, while I try to get him to see sense. 

“I do not now, nor have I ever thought ye were weak, Elfling!  And I am here for one reason only.  Do you know what that is?”

“T..to help me?” he guesses, hopefully.  He knows getting the answer right is very important and the quickest way out of his current predicament.

“Aye to help you, but you did not make me do anything.  I am here because I WANT to be here and no other reason!  I love you and I want to be here with you.  Don’t you dare say otherwise or even _think_ such a thing.  I made the decision to come here with my own free will and I do not now, nor will I ever regret that decision.  Is that perfectly clear, Child?”

“YES, it is clear!  You _want_ to be here I’ve got it! ”

“Good Lad!”  I quickly have him right side up again and settled back in my arms.  I pull out a handkerchief from my pocket and mop his face with it, before carefully helping him back under the covers and encouraging him to try to sleep again. I sit with him until he does so and then begin to think about our future here. The lad needs something worthwhile to occupy his time and distract his negative thoughts; a reason to get up in the morning and to make life seem worth living again.


	4. Chapter 4

It seems foolish to say it but I actually feel better for the paddling I have just received; sore and aching, but better. At least I have properly atoned for my foolish choices of yesterday. There is no possible way I can ever repay Gimli for all he has done and all he has sacrificed for my sake. I am not so foolish as to say that out loud, at least not presently. I have no desire to find myself over my dwarf’s knee for a third time. I am smarting enough from a second dose of his ‘care’. I do not pretend that it was not needful however, it was!

So, I have paid the price for ignoring advice and going wandering out in weather I have never seen the like of before. What I have not yet been able to do is free myself of my feelings of hopelessness for the future. What is there here for me to do?  All through my life on Arda I fought the shadow.  Here what use is there for a prince with no land to rule or a warrior with no wars to fight? I turn my head into the pillows so that Gimli will not see the new tears that fall and try and calm myself so that I may find release if only temporarily in sleep.

And for a mercy sleep comes swiftly and I am carried away onto the path of dreams and what dreams they are …

I begin with the all too familiar night terrors that have been my lot over the last few years, not the sea longing now but dreams of bleakness, of drifting forever in a miasma of nothingness I may just as well be floating on the seemingly never ending sea that was so recently my fate.

I twist and turn, and from a distance I hear Gimli whispering reassurances and feel his hand on the crown of my head, gently stroking my hair and easing my mind with his presence and strength. I slip again into the path of dreams but now the darkness that surrounded me has dispersed there is light, such light as I have rarely seen before and as I follow the path that forms beneath my feet, two luminous beings await me within the most beautiful garden I have ever seen.

Having seen Lord Aûle, I sense that the pair who stand patiently awaiting my arrival are also of the Valar a supposition confirmed as one of them speaks.

“Welcome child, do not be a feared, my name is Irmo, thou may know me better as Lórien, the master of dreams and this is my wife, Estë, the gentle.”

The Lady smiles at me cupping my chin in her hand she kisses my brow “I come to thee like this to offer thee the healing and rest thou needs. Come and sit beside me, for we have much to discuss.”

Lady Estë laughs at my grimace for that particular word has long had specific connotations as far as I am concerned.  “Not the kind of discussion thou hast recently faced with the son of Gloin, Legolas Thranduilion.” Her gentle smile removes the sting but not the embarrassment I feel at knowing that she is aware of my latest punishment.

“I am happy to hear it.” I manage to stutter, “Though I do not know how anything I do can be of interest to any of the Lords of the Valar.”

“All of Illúvatar’s children are of interest to us,” Irmo states firmly making me flush again in embarrassment for my words, a blush which deepens as he adds. “Even those who wander out into the storm ignoring the power that rules this land and the importance of listening to their elders And thou in particular son of Thranduil is our special concern just now. Our brother Aûle spoke with us after he spent the day in the company of the valiant dwarf Gimli.” His dark eyes seem to bore into mine and I find myself incapable of looking away “Your guardian fears for thee, and for thy future here.” He can obviously read my thoughts for he explains. “Nay he spoke not a word to Aûle of ye or his apprehension of thee. My brother divined his thoughts and his great love and concern. Why else would a son of Mahal travel to this land and seek admittance. So speak, child, what is it that clouds thy dreams and disallows thee to enjoy thy new life here?”

I do not wish to speak but under the joint scrutiny of two of the Valar I have little choice, so I open my mind to them and allow them to see all my fears and concerns. They see my despair at loosing so many who I loved. My desperate struggle with the sea longing, and the blow the death of Estel dealt me. They see my longing to remain with my father, to be the son he would wish me to be, and finally they see my anguish at the thought of being left bereft and alone at the death of my beloved Gimli.

What am I to do? I cry, what is there for me to do to fill my time here? All I have to do is wait for the inevitable loss of my last mortal friend. The one who has given me so much, sacrificed so much what kind of friend am I to have asked so much of him and given so little in return?

“Ye do yourself nor your friend credit by such foolish thoughts” Irmo says in my head “Ye have a great heart and a capacity for love, why think thee, that those that thou lovest have any less love for thee? Did not Gimli son of Gloin take the journey along the Straight Road with no promise of a welcome?”

I nod weakly.

“Yet he counted that risk at nought, for he loves thee, as a father to a son. He asks of thee nothing, save that thou embraces thy life and thrive. Think thee that he would not lay down his life if he thought it would avail thee of comfort?”

“I would do the same for him, if only I could but what can I do for him here?”

“Learn to live in the world thou now must inhabit for there is much here for thee to do, aye and for thy friend also.” Estë puts in calming my growing distress with her gentle words. “Do not let past hurts dominate thy thoughts for that way leads to despair and pain not just for thee but all who have loved and cared for thee, seek rather a new road built upon hope.”

“I have no hope,” I find myself weeping again at the thought of Estel gone beyond the circles of my world.

“There is always hope, child if thou takes the trouble to seek for it.” Irmo’s tone is severe, “Clear thy mind and open thy heart.”

I bow my head and try to gather my scattered wits and both lord and lady sit patiently waiting for me to become calm and aware. When I finally look up again Irmo commands me to “Look now, not with blinded eyes from the past but with thy heart and soul, at what could be before thee in this new land.”

I blink at them seeing nothing then as if a veil is being lifted from my eyes a pale light filters into the dark void left behind from the swirling power of last night’s storm and I see a new world no longer shrouded completely in dread and despair a small glimmer of hope kindles within me. As if sensing the direction of my thoughts and my tentative movement toward the light I am glimpsing ahead of me Irmo urges. “Open thy mind fully Thranduilion, and tell us what thou sees now?”

I do as I am bid, and feel as if I am flying above the Homely House, out into the woods that surround it and beyond. Up the hills that surround New Imladris to where my wayward footsteps carried me last night. But now I see clearly what before was shrouded by cloud and darkness.

Beyond those hills, is a deep valley that stretches for many leagues, the slopes are cloaked in elm, oak and beech. Streams tumble downhill, to fill a beautiful lake nestled in one corner of the valley. There is a richness to the land, a promise of so much more than what I can presently see, and almost I catch a glimpse of a great stone house, the colour of rich honey build beside the lake. Many elves are moving in and out of the house and the gardens beyond. Voices raised in song drift up the hillside where I seem to be standing, and there just on the edge of my consciousness is the sound of deep dwarven laughter.

Irmo’s voice sounds in my mind once more, “I am the lord of dreams, child of Arda. Think thou that I would not know what is in thy heart? Put aside thy fears and learn to live thy life to the full.”

I want to answer, I want to ask questions, but already the dream is fading from my consciousness. If only these visions were the truth, I believe I could come to tolerate this new life. But I know better than to believe what I think I see while treading the path of dreams yet still I cry out, “No, do not leave me, there is so much I do not understand.”

Almost as if this thought is sufficient to end the dream, I find myself waking in the comfortable bed in the house of Elrond Eärendil to find my friend Gimli looking at me with some concern.

“What is it Lamb?”

He can see I am shaken and his concern makes me blurt out. “Nothing, that is it was naught more than a dream. I am well enough.”

He sees straight through my attempt at dissembling growling, “Aye I can see that. You are as white as a sheet and shaking like a leaf. I will send for Lord Elrond.”

“There is no need!” I call and the words are echoed by another voice as Elrond himself enters the bedchamber carrying a tray of medicines, while adding, “I am already here.”

“I am glad of it my lord,” Gimli steps aside and lets Elrond approach the bed, “this one says there is nothing amiss, but he just woke up in a panic and it is as plain as a pikestaff that there is something wrong.”

Elrond puts the tray on a side table and approaches the bed with purpose. Knowing that nothing I say will change the matter now I allow him to conduct a full examination which he does with his usual thoroughness his healers eyes missing nothing including no doubt my still pink bottom cheeks.

Yet it is my eyes that he pays the most attention to, placing his hands on either side of my face and searching my mind for what it is that is worrying me.

“Tell us of this dream, that concerned you so that you wake in such a state that it worries our good dwarf so,” he commands. Looking at him it is as if he has already sensed what I have been seeing in my head.

I am reluctant to speak of it for it seems so foolish now, but with both Elrond and Gimli frowning at me I have little choice but to obey so I tell of how I dreamed I had met with Lord Irmo and Lady Estë and what they showed me.

They listen in silence as I describe the valley and what Irmo and Estë told me. “It is as I told you,” I finish somewhat sheepishly, “merely a foolish dream.”

Elrond takes my hand as he speaks, “I have to tell you Legolas, that I do not believe that what you saw was a dream, nor was it foolish. Often the Valar choose to come to us while we are on the path of dreams, but they are as real as you and I, if they spoke with you then it behoves you to listen and follow their guidance.”

“Aye I agree.” Gimli speaks up, “you should not dismiss these dreams of yours so lightly lamb. Where exactly was this land they showed you?”

“That is the whole point Gimli, there is no such land, beyond the hills that surround New Imladris there is nothing, you saw that when we rode out to with Erestor.”

“That was very true a few days ago,” Elrond agreed, “It may not be the case now, I was as sceptical as you when I first arrived here and was told about such happenings. But think about it logically Legolas, more and more elves are traveling here yet there is never a shortage of land for them to settle in. For the Falathrim there is shoreline, harbour, and sea, for the Noldor and Vanyar, beautiful cities and elegant houses, for the Silvan and Sindar, forest and woodlands in plenty. When the Valar see the need to provide a homeland they do so, I have to tell you that the storm we experienced last night was not a normal one, such an event usually only occurs when the Valar are intent on producing a new part of the island. Your arrival here is the catalyst for their actions. You are the natural representative of your people here in the Blessed Realm. I believe that were we to ride out to the hills today we would find a new area of land, one that those of your father’s realm could look to as their own with you as their liege lord while you all wait for your king to join you.”

I stare at him wanting to believe him, but hardly daring to do so, but Gimli has no such doubt. He claps his hands in delight at Elrond’s words, and beams at me. “I knew that the powers would not leave you bereft laddie, just think of all we will have to do. It will be like Ithilien all over again.”

But I am still uncertain and Elrond seeing that laughs, “I know it is hard to take in penneth, but I assure you this will not be the first time such a thing has happened. This is how New Imladris was formed.”

Despite everything I feel the first stirrings of hope in my breast at his words, “You truly believe it to be so?”

“I know it to be so, and when you are recovered we will go together and you will see the truth of my words.”

“Then let us go now.” I say throwing back the covers and preparing to rise only to find a determined dwarf holding me still.

“Ye are going nowhere lamb, not until Lord Elrond gives you leave. Make your mind up to it I won’t be gainsaid over this. If ye behave yourself and do as you are bid, we might be able to go tomorrow?”

He looks over to Lord Elrond for confirmation of this offer and I find myself holding my breath, as Elrond nods. “Tomorrow, if and I say if, elfling. You eat everything that is placed in front of you and get plenty of rest.”

“I will.” I promise

“Aye and I will be here to make sure he keeps his word.” Gimli adds which Elrond seems to be satisfied with for he takes his leave of us and I wonder if I will later hear he has gone out riding in the hills just to make sure his supposition is true. My disappointment at having to wait must show on my face for Gimli pats my hand “Never fear lamb, we might have to wait a day or so, but in the meantime we can begin to plan what we want to do. I already have some ideas over the type of house we will need to build ….”

I let him continue to talk, while my own thoughts begin to ponder just what our futures might be here in this new land of ours.

 

xxxx

 

Legolas is quickly asleep again and I walk around our chambers deciding what to do with my day.  I think about going downstairs for a while, but I find myself unable to leave him.  I have been accused of being overprotective and of fussing too much and while I would like to deny it, I find myself at his side immediately when he tosses and turns in his sleep.  I whisper soothing words and gently stroke his hair and that seems to work to get him to settle back down again.  I roll my eyes at the maudlin dwarf I have become over the years and sit in the chair beside his bed.  There is no point in trying to hide it now.  I may as well face the fact that as long as he is here in this room, I am here as well.  I settle in for a quiet day.

 It is just as well since there is no longer any reason to keep my reputation as a fierce warrior in tact.  There is no need for warriors in this peaceful land.  That is a good thing of course, but it seems odd to think that my throwing axes have become relics of a world past and my walking axe will be used for walking or cutting timber only from now on.  It is time to put away weapons of war for good and bring out the tools of construction and crafting.   Thinking on it brings a smile to my face.  To have my elfling in a  place where I know for certain he will  never have to experience the ugliness of war again is a blessing I hadn’t thought about until now.  Too much of his early life was spent in fighting the shadow and then in war.  Even after the defeat of Sauron there were occasional battles and skirmishes that had to be fought, but now that is all behind us.  My last days will be peaceful ones and Legolas will have the rest of his life to live in peace and security. That alone makes it worth whatever had to be sacrificed to get here, if only I can convince him to embrace it.

I am recalled back to the present when Legolas wakes with a start.  His eyes are as wide as saucers and he is pale and shaking.   When I ask what is wrong he tries to brush it off as the effects of a dream, but I am not convinced that there isn’t more to it than that.  I am happy when Lord Elrond happens to come in and saves me the trip of going to fetch him.   Legolas submits meekly to the thorough examination, which doesn’t surprise me considering our recent discussion, though I am happy for his cooperation whatever the reason.  When Elrond finds no obvious physical problems, he changes his focus to finding out the nature of the dream that had the child so upset.  I am surprised by the question and am a bit sceptical that it will have any bearing on the situation, until he begins to describe the dream and then I have a quick change of heart.

  As he describes the bright light and the appearance of Lord Irmo and Lady Estë, I begin to think it was more than a dream.  I have never been one to give much weight to such things as visions in the past, but I have changed my mind since that last desperate night we spent on the sea.  The bright light he describes in his dream is just as I saw that night, though I was fully awake at the time.  There is no doubt in my mind that the Valar cleared the way for me to hear Eärendil’s voice offering me hope and comfort. I have no doubt that they provided the wind to fill our sails in that desperate moment and guided us into port, so I have to agree with Lord Elrond when he says that Legolas must not dismiss the dream as meaningless.   He explains that the meaning of the dream was likely quite a literal one and actually not a dream at all, but a message from the Valar themselves.

I can see Legolas is leery to believe this at first, and truthfully it does seem too good to be true, but after Elrond continues to explain things in more detail, the lad is ready to ride out to see for himself immediately.  I can see he is disappointed when Elrond and I agree that tomorrow is soon enough for such a venture, but he accepts the decision as gracefully as can be expected.  I try to make it up to him by talking about possible plans for what we might build on the new land.  The prospect it rather thrilling for having such a meaty project is just what we need to give us some purpose and meaning in our daily lives here.  With so much to plan and prepare for, Legolas will have something to distract his mind from being homesick and worried over the future.  It is wonderful news indeed.

We spend time wondering about the people who will become a part of the new realm and discussing what sorts of materials we might use, though we will really have to look at the place first and see what is available to be used before we can make any real plans.  I am so happy to see him excited about something, and so enthusiastic myself that I don’t notice at first that I am talking by myself after a while. He is beginning to tire from the excitement and since I will not be able to stand his disappointment or mine  if he is unable to ride out tomorrow, I insist that we continue our conversation after he is properly rested.  He makes a token protest but it is more out of habit than it is out of real disagreement and it only takes me clearing my throat to remind him of who is now in charge here and stop any more arguments. 

The rest of the day is spent resting and in quiet, but animated conversation about the future and the next morning I wake to find Legolas bright eyed and eager to get started, though he is wisely waiting for  my leave to get up.  I sit down next to him and push his loose hair back to get a good look at his face.

“This is lovely to see,” I tell him, “Ye’re looking in good spirits today.  Any particular reason for that?”

“Did no one ever tell you it isn’t polite to tease, Dwarf?”  He smiles, pulling at my hand.  “Come _on_ , Gimli, let’s go!” 

I place a staying hand on his shoulder as he starts to rise.  “Wait just a minute, Lad.  Ye’ll be waiting for Lord Elrond to look you over first and then we’ll decide what we’ll be doing today.”

“Then when do you think he is coming?” he growls in frustration. 

“Well there is no way to know for sure, Lad, though I feel certain it will be sometime before mid day.  Early afternoon at the latest…”

“Gimli!” 

I admit to enjoying teasing him, but I cannot keep it up for long.  I am just as eager to be off as he is. 

“Stay put a bit longer, Lamb, and I will go look for him now,” I tell him.

Lord Elrond is quick to attend the lad as if he too can’t wait for us to  investigate what we might find. He proceeds to perform yet another thorough examination and asks so many questions  that even I feel like rolling my eyes.  It is clear to see that the child is much improved and making him wait would drive him to distraction besides sentencing me to a day of torture trying to keep him quiet.  Yet his health is of primary importance, and I am not a healer so I will defer to Elrond’s decision, if he ever decides to make one!

Finally after Legolas swears to a dozen stipulations about being careful and taking it slowly and I absolutely guarantee that I will keep a close watch to make sure he keeps his word, the healer is satisfied enough to clear him to ride out.  Once we are left alone again, Legolas turns to me expectantly, likely waiting for me to add my own set of conditions, but I can’t think of a thing that our scrupulous host missed, so instead I tell him to hurry and get ready before Elrond changes his mind.

 By the time we are ready, a tray has been sent to our quarters and we make quick work of the simple meal before making our way downstairs and out to where horses have been made ready for us to use for our short journey.  I am surprised to find that no one has planned to come along with us. I had expected one of hosts to ride with us, but we are told that it is appropriate that we see the new land first ourselves and the others will  come later.  We mount up and start off through the woods.  For years I rode behind the lad, but in my time in Ithilien I found it useful to learn to ride on my own. Besides that it got rather monotonous that he always got to see everything first.  So while I am not a natural horseman, I can ride well enough and it is a pleasant day for such an outing.

As we ride through the woods surrounding New Imladris and begin to climb up the hills just beyond, my heart begins to beat rapidly in anticipation.  Just beyond these hills, where a few days ago there was nothing but sea, should be the valley that will become my last home.  I tighten my grip and urge the horse a little faster.

XXXXX

 

Finally we are ready to set out, while I tried not to show my frustration with the delays and the strictures laid upon me by Lord Elrond I am just desperate to see whether my dream was just that.

One part of me is hopeful, one part keeps telling me not to expect too much, for that way lies disappointment and disillusionment either way I have to know.

Is there a chance that I am to be given a reason for living here some useful role for me to undertake? Something that may perhaps fill the long empty days, allow me to find contentment in my in new life if not the true happiness I know Gimli hopes for.

I have done my best not to show the doubt over my future that still hangs like a shadow over my heart, pretending to listen with enthusiasm as Gimli waxed poetical over his plans for a house for us to live in. I am sure he is thinking of building a palace!

But, I am getting too far ahead of myself, as yet I do not even know if there is a land that has been prepared for us on the borders of New Imladris.

I had expected Elrond of Erestor to ride out with us but they have sent us alone, perhaps they do not wish to be present if there is no new home over the approaching hills. Despite everything I do to remain calm I know my pulse is racing and I have to keep myself firmly reined in so that I do not set the horse into a gallop so we can breast the top of the hill all the sooner. I close my eyes briefly and try to centre myself as we almost reach a point where we can see beyond the hills, will it be a new home or the sea and shore as before.

I draw my horse to a standstill and Gimli has to rein in as well to avoid passing me, “What is it lad?” He queries.

“I cannot, I dare not look,” I whisper almost echoing my thoughts as we finally left Arda for the last time save that now instead of fearing to look back I now fear to look forward. “What if, what if nothing has changed, what if the sea is still there, what will we do then.”

“We will endure, lamb, and make new plans if we must, but let us not concern ourselves with that now, come lift your head and face what is ahead of us as you have every other challenge in your life so far, with stubborn determination.”

How strong my indomitable Gimli is, how much I have come to rely on that strength, yet I hear the slight concern in his voice, he is anxious as well although he is hiding it better than I. Drawing in a deep breath I try to smile at him. “What would I do without your wisdom Master dwarf?”

His smile is wide as he answers, “Ye’d be even dafter than ye are lad, now I am going to look over that ridge are ye coming or not?” As I hesitate he adds slyly “what’s this then?  The son of Thranduil afraid to step into the unknown? Well now, I always said we dwarves were made of sterner stuff than you flighty tree huggers.”

 I manage a laugh at this old jest and dismounting help him down as well, “ it would never do would it? My father would never forgive me. Come then my best of friends let us go together and see what lies ahead.”

I place a hand on Gimli’s shoulder as we walk the last few yards to the summit, and despite my bravado of mere moments before I dare not look as we come to a halt. Beside me Gimli is quiet, too quiet and my hopes plummet, as he remains silent. It is as I feared nothing has changed, my dream was just that a dream.

“Open your eyes lamb.” Gimli tugs on my arm “look!”

I finally look down from our viewpoint and my breath is torn from my throat by what I see.

For as far as even elven eyes may see, and beyond even our keen sight there is a deep wide basin of a valley, surrounded by hills which are cloaked in trees of all kinds. Above the hills, tower new mountains that separate this land from the rest of the island. There is no sign of the sea here; it is an oasis of green woodland but more even than that. Streams tumble over rocks, falling down into the valley below discharging into a large lake which stands at the head of the valley itself. It is beautiful, a paradise, a home?

As I look down at my friend he smiles contentedly and finishes my silent question,

 “Aye lamb a home!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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